Cornbread, the SBXLVI, the NFL, and me…

Well allow me to apologize for being so late on this blog. It has been a minute since we last spoke and for that I am a lazy d-bag.

No I’m not…your face is.

Okay, enough smoochy smoochy, let’s get to it.

The reason for the delay has been pure exhaustion. This past three weeks here in Indy have been just a flat blur. I juggled a full-time job, did comedy the week of the SB, went downtown three times, and I had to attend several social gatherings. No regrets. I had an absolute blast for those three weeks and I guess the only thing I would change would be is to take more time off work. You know, to catch my breathe and soak it all in.

However it’s not just me, I can see the exhaustion in everyone’s face around here. Guess it’s safe to say that I’m not the only one juggling.

Having fun at SB46!

Well, my experience with everything SB46 was very cool. Like I said, I made it downtown three times and it in that three times I spent a grand total of 7$. Word to your mom. 7 BUCKS! All three times down my boy Scotty Hunt hooked us up on the parking at IUPUI, I took a bottle of water, and I ate before I left the house. IN YOUR FACE BAD ECONOMY! My one transaction came when I bought a 7$ beer at Morris Day and the Time. Awesome show by the way, it took me back to 1985. Which is ironic, after seeing a bunch of classmates I hadn’t seen in years it felt like a high school reunion. Granted, had I not been juggling two jobs I most definitely would not be able to brag about spending 7$. I would have had more time to get silly on the nectar and soak up some more people watching.

Downtown Indianapolis was clean, friendly, accessible, and for the most part, classy. My first impression was that I was extremely impressed. I couldn’t believe we we’re pulling this off. And the weather, forget about it. No one could have imagined that it would be in the fifties all week. My dad would say, “that is amazing, I mean Blaker how’d they do that?” Despite the amenities and the weather, the skeptic inside me was still very much alive. I kept looking for a dude in a wife beater with six teeth selling corn on the cob. And I was so sure that just around the corner of Meridian and Georgia there would be a Tilt-a-Whirl; with the Scorpions, “Rock You Like a Hurricane” blaring in the background. Nope. No elephant ears, no lemon shake-ups. It was nice. I didn’t see one person face down in a pool of their own urine. Thumbs up Indy! There was this “positive vibe”, an overwhelming feeling of civic pride flowing thru the crowds. It was weird seeing people walking around outside with booze in their hands. It had this “Bourbon Street meets State Fair” feel to it. Crews constantly picking up trash and emptying trash cans. And it sounds like people we’re genuinely friendly all the way up to the Friday before the big game. I guess by Friday night people on Georgia Street  just flowed with the crowd. My wife, and several other folks told me that there were times when the crowd dictated where you wound up. And naturally by the size of the crowd, and the lack of space,  people started to get testy and more vociferous. Apparently there was a feeling that if someone had made the wrong move or got too excited that some people could have been trampled. It sounds like Indy got lucky here.

I mentioned to you earlier that I emceed the week of the SB at Crackers in Broad Ripple. I don’t know if it was the 20$ to park, the price of admission, the traffic, or if it was my shitty jokes. But either way, the crowds that week all sucked. They acted like they all got rejected at the door at the Playboy party and were “settling” on comedy as something to do. Thanks for mutton you ass-clowns. It wasn’t a complete loss though, I made a new friend in Al Jackson. An extremely funny dude and if you ever get the chance to go see him, do so.

All of the positive vibes, civic pride, beautiful weather, and partying, the only thing that could have put a giant red bow on this time would be a Patriots loss. No real Colts fan wanted to see our arch nemesis come into our house and spray champagne all over our locker room. Thankfully we didn’t have to witness that and the evil empire could tuck their collective tails and ooze back to New England. I said it before and I will say it again, what a great way to wrap up an amazing time.

This is air dicking. Similar to planking, teapotting, and tebowing - only funner!

 

I believe we will get another SB. I believe I will be taking that week off. I believe I will be spending more than 7$ next time around. And I believe that the weather will more like winter than spring. Either way I’m looking forward to it, I’m always up for a good party.

Congratulations Indianapolis!

Now get back to work!

PS- Take pictures of you air dicking somebody and send them to me at http://www.brotherb13@yahoo.com and I will post them on here.

Adios amigo

The uncertainty of Peyton Manning’s future has drawn ire, confusion, and discourse amongst all that support the beloved quarterback and the Indianapolis Colts. It is almost like we thought he was going to play forever. Being a bartender I am privy to a lot of sports conversation on a daily basis. From the novice sports fan to the most knowledgeable football fan this topic rules the day. Everyone seems to have an opinion or has questions, or sadly, is looking to place blame for his ailing neck. Football is a modern day gladiator sport where men run into each other at high speeds with no regard for safety; either for themselves or for the person they are running into. Football players get hurt. Period.

In my opinion, the greatest QB of all time.

I told a friend a few years ago when then GM Bill Polian made the decision to sit all the Colts’ starters after going 14-0 that that was wrong. I said we should go for it because we shouldn’t take for granted the time we have with Peyton Manning. I truly felt that  in 2005 we were the best team on the planet. After losing to the Chargers and being 13-1 we sat our starters the last two games and were beaten by the Steelers in a divisional playoff game. In 2009 we went 14-0 set our starters and eventually lost to the Saints in SBXLIV. Both of these instances could have and should have resulted in SB victories. For a franchise that was known for preaching consistency and continuity, this should have been sacrilegious. My point with all this is is that we were trying to protect him and (other starters) from getting hurt instead of just playing. Live, or in this case, play for today. Cause now look where were at. We could be talking about how Peyton Manning has brought 3 SB victories to Indianapolis. But now he’s hurt and will most likely never play again. This is sad but it is true.

Nonetheless, this is where we are, befuddled. It has all come to an end and most of us don’t know how to act about it. Quit looking for someone to blame. Trust me, Jim Irsay loves Peyton Manning more than all of us combined. How you say? He just gave Peyton Manning 26 million dollars for wearing a hat! And that was for just one year. Think about that for a second. 26 million dollars for doing nothing. That is APPRECIATION. Jim Irsay is more distraught over this situation than all of us. Irsay has to be excited, anxious, and probably shitting egg rolls about the future of his franchise. Secondly, get off of my boy Bob Kravitz’s ass. All he was doing was his job. He was asking the questions that we all wanted the answers to directly from Peyton. And we didn’t like the answers we got so we are going to give him grief for it?  Cut it out people. And lastly, quit looking for Peyton to make another miraculous comeback. It is over. After having 3 neck surgeries in the past 20 months Peyton Manning has no feeling in his neck and atrophy in his triceps. Peyton knows he will not pass a physical on March 8th and so does everyone that has an office over at the Colts complex on west 56th street. So, what do you do? Sadly, you have to cut Peyton Manning. This is big business (See 26 million dollars for wearing a hat!) and you have to look to the future. You have to build for the future by drafting hopefully the next franchise qb stud in Andrew Luck. *Here is the pipe dream that most folks continue to hang onto: “But what if he does pass a physical down the road?” Well, you ask him to restructure that contract and help guide and tutor your future franchise qb. Let us not forget that he is 36 years old and has had 3 serious neck surgeries.

With all that said, this has been a classy organization to root for from 1998 to today. Peyton Manning has changed everything and he is really responsible for so much good that has gone on here in Indy during the past 13 football seasons. He (along with tax payers dollars) is mostly responsible for Lucas Oil Stadium. He has been a superstar, role model, bad ass, innovator, offensive coordinator, head coach on the field, philanthropist, classy human being, spokesman, and comedian(SNL). On and on the accolades could go. But the one that I like the most is that he has changed the entire game of football. He (along w/ Tom Moore and a few others) have changed the way the game is played offensively and consequently defensively. To me, he is the greatest quarterback of all time.

Thank you Peyton for everything.

Now lets all embrace the future with the hopes of the second coming in Andrew Luck.

Go Colts!

New videos from me!

Here’s some newer stuff mixed in with a couple old tricks from 12/21 at Crackers in Broad Ripple. Chickety check it.

Tonight come see the bullshadiggity live in Fountain Square at the White Rabbit Cabaret. Show starts around 9…hope to see y’all there.

Blake Boatwright featuring at Crackers in Broad Ripple

Blake Boatwright featuring at Crackers in Broad Ripple pt.2

Friday the 13th

Aloha! It’s Friday the 13th and this idiot has a few things on his mind.

First, I will be featuring for Matt Stanton at the White Rabbit Cabaret in beautiful Fountain Square next Thursday, January 19th. This is going to be a great show and if you can, come out and get your yuks on. If you can’t then I am breaking up with you.

The White Rabbit Cabaret is a great venue that plays host to my buddy Issac Landforts’ creation, Absurd Third Thursdays. Its on the third Thursday every month with a $3 cover and $3 draft beers. That is absurd. If you can’t make it to my show try and get out and support this place at sometime. It’s a great night of comedy. Also, I would be remiss if I didn’t mention that every Sunday night at 49th and College at the Sinking Ship is a great night for comedy. Not only does Cam O’Connor(another buddy) do an excellent job of mixing great local talent but has brought in the likes of Doug Stanhope, and Kyle Kinane. With all that said, I NEED TO DO A BETTER JOB OF SUPPORTING MY FELLOW COMEDIANS. In my defense, I do work 40 hours a week as a bartender and those hours sometime collide with the hours of fun at a comedy venue. Nonetheless, I am going to make a better effort in showing up and supporting my comedy family from now on.

And speaking of my comedy family. I would like to personally thank some local comedians. Some of you are like brothers and some of you I barely know. But, all of you have in one way or the other rubbed my comedy button. Thanks to: Matt Holt, Jeff Oskay, Matt Clemens, Brent Terhune, Jeff Bodart, Scott Long, Cam O’Connor, The brothers Landfort(Isaac and Vinny), Jimmy Roberson, Dj Dangler, and Mike Malone. Whether you know it or not, you have played an influential role in my zest for comedy and my re-birth of confidence. Thank you very much for rubbing it.

I would also be remiss if I didn’t thank Scotty Hunt for shooting pictures and video. (Coming to this website soon!) And most importantly, my rock, best friend, and muse, Carrie Lyn. Thank you both for the encouragement and support .

I apologize for all the shout-outs but I felt like I needed to. I haven’t said thank you in awhile and I wanted to show my appreciation.

I have a had a renewed breathe of fresh air(and confidence) when it comes to my comedy and will be pursuing some comedy festivals this year. Along with trying to get into some comedy festivals I will be more active in trying to get work beyond my home club of Crackers. For whatever reason these last few years I have been stagnant and not confident in what I’m doing up there and have let that get in the way of me pursuing work. In the past I would send out a promo pack. Wait 3 days. Shoot the booker/club an email. Wait 3 more days. Then fire off a phone call to said club/booker and get the voicemail. No response from either attempt and I would give up. Never to try again. That is complete bullshadiggity. Nonsense. Time to write. Time to press these people. Time to get busy. And it’s time for this kid to get some work.

Sometime in February I will be on a local internet radio show called The Slick Hudini Show. Stay tuned for details.

Here’s some random thoughts:

*Katy Perry is going to be performing at the Super Bowl and will be hanging around Indianapolis for the better part of 2 days. If you see me that week, don’t ask, it’s not Cialis. And I apologize for rubbing it on you in advance. Naked cuddle party at our house immediately following the game! WEEEEEEEEEE!

*Colts hired a new GM this week, Ryan Grigson. If there is any love in his heart he will fire Jim Caldwell today. What a dynamic personality that leader(Caldwell) is! I have spatulas that have more charisma than him. By the end of the day he(Grigson) could make a call to the best available head coach out there…Jeff Fisher. The future would look bright again for Colts fans.

*IU got beat last night by the Minnesota Golden Gophers. They looked flat, got out hustled, out rebounded, and couldn’t throw the ball in the ocean. But, I will say this: before he leaves IU Cody Zeller will win the Naismith award for the best player in the country. That kid does things on the basketball floor that other 6’11″ freshmen don’t do. He has a nose like a pugilist, and a mind like a point guard. I can’t wait for Yogi Ferrell to get there next year. The Hoosiers are going to be sick.

Well, that will do for it for me.

Everybody have a great weekend. Go do something for yourself. Piss on everyone else.

Peace

Happy New Year!

Happy New Year everyone!

I hope this finds you all happy and healthy and excited for the upcoming year. I’m shitting bricks with the promise of a new year!

Heres a little tip from Fatty McFatback Boatwright: Your resolution should be to improve yourself “everyday”, not just at the beginning of every year. Just a little food for thought. Speaking of food, a McFatback sounds good right about now.

Here’s a clip of me being interviewed for Comcast Comedy on Demand. The first 4 minutes are are good, you stick around after that it’s your fault.

BlakeB on Comcast Comedy on Demand

So I jump ship in Hong Kong and make my way over to Tibet…

Hello folks.

Welcome to this edition of  “Did Blake just say that?”.

Well, the NBA is back and all I can say is, “woopty-damn-do!” My excitement level will go up after the Pacers make some moves and I see highlights of Derrick Rose breaking ankles. The game is primed for a rebound. Sorry for being punny, but it is. It has really sucked for a minute with the Tim Donaghy debacle, David Stern knowing all about it and being a dick, and 96% of the league only playing hard the last 4 minutes of the 4th quarter. But, there has been an influx of talented kids join the ranks and it is set-up to be very watchable again like it was back in the mid ’80′s. Now more than ever there are a shitload of really good, exciting, young,  point guards in the league. The aforementioned Derrick Rose, John Wall, Chris Paul, Derron Williams, Rajon Rondo, George Hill, Darren Collison, Russell Westbrook, Tyreke Evans, Stephen Curry, Kyrie Irving, and Kemba Walker to name just a few. Between this rise of talent and the retirement or untimely (or timely) death of David Stern, the NBA could overtake baseball as Americas number 2 sport. FACT: 6 of those point guards I just mentioned traveled while I was writing this blog.

Can't you hear me knocking?

“What in the wide wide world of sports is going on around here?” That’s what people in Indianapolis say to themselves every Sunday. Peyton just found out his neck is stable and the fusion has taken. Great news from a dads standpoint. He can play with his kids in the backyard while they are growing up and that is fantastic news. However, that does not mean that he will be able to continue his career playing in the NFL. Buckle up and hang on, I have a theory, a feeling, a hunch. Somewhere deep in my soul I believe that the Colts and Peyton both knew months ago that he would never be able to play again and this was the end of his playing career. From a business standpoint, and it is a business; how do you tell 66,000 ticket holders that we have lost the franchise? You can’t. You keep it a secret, you tank, and you get the future franchise. I am not saying this is cool or this is what I would have done, but I understand it. From a taxpayers perspective I want the house that Peyton built to be full every Sunday. I want Lucas Oil dripping with rabid Colts fans. It’s good for downtown Indy, central Indiana, and Curtis Painter is not. Regardless of the outcome we need to remember that we all knew this day was coming. We all had ample time to really soak in and appreciate what Peyton Manning has meant to the Colts and this city. We went from 3-13 to 13-3 in one year. Yeah, we probably could have won several Super Bowls had they kept the starters in all those times we we’re 13-0 or 14-0. But, overall it was an amazing ride. The most winningest franchise in any decade ever in the NFL. That’s pretty impressive. Thank you Peyton Manning.

Bartending and working with a bunch of twenty-somethings I noticed more and more that the younger generations are talking like they text. Shit like “tots”, “defs”, “maybs”, “probs”, “deets”. Your to lazy to say maybe? Are you shitting me? “Idk” and “btw”, WTF!? Seriously? Technology is making us lazier and dumber. All this instant gratification of quick communication that means absolutely nothing. There is no romance in this jargon. I don’t care how many xo’s you put in there, it doesn’t equal hugs and kisses, it equals the decline of inter-personal communications. We are spiraling back into the caveman days where we will all soon be grunting and nodding at each other. And an argument could be made that because of all of this instant gratification that social graces have become non-existent too. No one ever says “bless you” anymore, or “thank you”, or “pardon me”. All gone to the way side with speed and convenience. We’re all too busy getting our People magazines and our Diet Cokes to be concerned with others around us. I remember growing up and sometimes you would have to wait three or four days before someone would call you back. In the words of my dad, “Blaker that is AMAZING!” AMF you SOB’s!

Well after reading this you are probably thinking, “damn, Blake is drunk again!” And how could I blame you. Hell I’ve been drunk since 1991. Honestly. Well, I have decided to take a hiatus from the fine, smooth, silky love that is Jameson Irish whiskey. It has been 13 days of sobriety now and I feel incredible. At first I thought I would just “take a break” and pick back up where I left off somewhere around New Years Eve, but I feel really good. This non-drinking thing may not have an expiration date set on it. See, I do not have the kind of drinking problem where I “need” a drink. I have a binge drinking problem. A “tap the bottle twist the cap and throw it in the trash because we are drinking this entire fifth if it kills us kind of problem”. Hell, three of my biggest heroes are Hunter S. Thompson, Doc Holliday, and Jim Morrison so it kind of makes sense. Either way, when I decide to have a drink again, and I will drink again, I will discipline myself and consume in moderation. But until then, my liver is getting a much deserved break!

And lastly, I wanted to tell everyone that I will be featuring in Broad Ripple December 21st thru December 23rd with my good friend and very funny human being, Jeff Oskay. This is going to be a great show and your not going to want to miss this. Come out and get your laughs on with us and get your holidays started right. Also, I will be hosting at the downtown Crackers December 28th thru New Years Eve. Either way I would love to see you at a show.

Everyone take care and Happy Holidays!

I’m just a big dumb animal folks

It’s been a minute since we’ve last spoke and a lot has happened in the world…so let’s recap.

Allow me to start on a sad note by saying that the world has lost a great man and a great basketball coach this past Thursday in Bill Green. He was an innovator when it came to defense (he created the match-up zone) which conversely, is used by every team in America and holds the IHSAA record with 6 state titles. RIP Coach Green, you will be missed.

Oh my goodness

Staying in the topic of coaches, what in the wide wide world of sports is going on in Happy Valley? Are you shitting me? I’m gonna say this and move on. It appears that this is far from over and we may learn that many more coaches, players, Penn St. staff, and faculty may have also covered this up. All because the money machine was generating dollars for the institution the welfare of these kids took a backseat. Penn St. needs to clean house from top to bottom (insert shower joke). Nonetheless, I hope from the depths of my core that when Jerry Sandusky gets to prison he gets gang raped by a group of thugs with HIV.

Still no NBA and I could care less.

Lets go IU!

With the arrival of Cody Zeller everything changes in an instant down in B-Town. Even the local economy is going to grow because of Zeller. Follow me for a second. First, the obvious. He makes everyone around him better. Victor Oladipo, Will Sheehey, Jordy Hulls, Christian Watford, Derek Elston, and Verdell Jones all get to do what they each are individually good at because Zeller stretches the floor. In lieu of the team getting better the school sells more popcorn, and when you buy more popcorn you buy more sodas and beer. The more beer you buy the more food you need to buy to sober up from all those victories. You can see my logic here right? No pressure big boy, just go play your game. I like the Hoosiers to win close to if not 20 games this year.

Foster the People have a catchy little tune that I can’t avoid singing called “Pumped Up Kicks”. The next time someone ask me if I know what that song is about they better run, better run, outrun my gun! Yeah, I get it. Its about a tragedy or shooting a bully or something bad. But damn it its a catchy tune. “Ring Around the Rosie” was about the Black Plague and we sing that to our kids in pre-school. Pearl Jams “Jeremy” was about a school shooting and that song was great…20 years ago.

This is the start of my “Birthday Week”. A week spent entirely in utter drunkenness, debauchery, and mayhem! Alright, maybe just utter drunkenness, I’m too old for that other stuff. I’m kicking the week off right with my family today slamming ham and beans, fried potatoes, cornbread and football. Should be a great start to a great week. Ladies and gentleman…start your livers!

Look for me on stage at Crackers in Broad Ripple featuring with my good friend Jeff Oskay, December 21st-23rd. This is going to be a great show and a good time had by all. Please come checkout a show. And to learn more about my buddy Jeff, go check out his blog, Serious Incorrect Life Choices.

Thanks for stopping by. Peace and bacon grease!